I often think back to when the three of us were kids. Carefree summers spent exploring the forest, camping, swimming, surrounded by our amazing family. Visits to the cabin nestled on a hill by the ocean. We didn’t yet know the burdens and struggles that life would bring. We didn’t know what our futures held, nor did we care, all that mattered was the present moment in time. I never could have imagined that two of us would leave this world before 25.
I’ve never known the impact of suicide until recently. It’s an unimaginable loss that leaves you confused, angry, heartbroken, numb. There are times when it doesn’t seem real. How could she have done this, she had so much to live for how could she not see that? If she had held on for one more day, even one more hour, would the outcome have differed?
These questions will never be answered.
It’s hard to understand and I’m still trying everyday. A phone call in the middle of the night can change your world forever. Receiving two of those calls is something I never thought would happen. The grieving process will never end. I will always feel that sadness when I visit the places we spent our childhood, or see something that reminds me of them.
I hope wherever those two beautiful girls are that they feel the comfort and joy we felt as kids, running on that sun drenched beach with our whole lives ahead of us.